Over the course of 15 years, I have interviewed hundreds of entrepreneurs and their parents to learn how they were raised.
On the whole, these families are very satisfied with their children’s development. Parents say their adult children are not only educated and financially successful, but also generous and kind. But looking back now, so many parents told me they wished they had known it when their children were growing up.
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That is not the same as her regret. However, parents told me that with this knowledge they might have focused on other things and worried less about their children’s bright future.
Here are the four things they would tell themselves over and over again as new parents.
1. “Don’t panic if they don’t finish college.”
Most parents I spoke with believed that a college degree was essential to a successful career.
Entrepreneur Matt Mullenweg, the founder of WordPress, founded the company while studying at the University of Houston and dropped out to run the company. Today, WordPress is just part of Automattic, the global software company that Mullenweg runs.
Thomas Vu’s parents wanted him to become a doctor. Instead, Vu dropped out of UC San Diego to join the first intern class at Electronic Arts. He went on to become lead producer of League of Legends, head of creative at Riot Games, and executive producer of the Emmy-nominated hit series Arcane.
In retrospect, they say they didn’t have to worry so much. Their children didn’t get a degree, but in the end it didn’t matter. They pursued and achieved their dreams, and their skills, dedication and conviction were more than enough.
2. “Your passion isn’t a distraction – it can have more impact than you think.”
Acclaimed director Jon Chu’s parents told me that he was fascinated by storytelling and filmmaking from the age of ten. They feared that his passion would be a distraction from the real work and responsibilities. But it’s hard to argue with the international blockbuster success of Chu’s latest film, “Wicked.”
Now they realize that it was worth it for Chu to invest those 10,000 hours doing what he loved and was good at. Many parents I interviewed feel the same way. They recognize that their children’s passion has helped them achieve professional success, even if their children’s lives don’t look quite like they imagined.
Many future entrepreneurs played sports intensively and none of them became professionals. Their parents told me they worried it would be a waste of time if their children spent all their time on the field instead of in the classroom.
Eric Ryan, the founder of Method, Olly and Welly, told me he was a terrible student but he loved sailing. There he learned valuable skills such as resilience, courage, perseverance and self-confidence, which made him the entrepreneur he is today. His parents didn’t have to worry that all his hours on the water would affect his professional success – quite the opposite.
3. “Be more open about money”
Many of these entrepreneurs and executives credited their parents with teaching them the value of a dollar. So I was surprised that many parents said they wished they had been more open about their own family finances and used them better as a teaching tool.
Some parents told me they wished they had included their children in financial decisions, whether it was budgeting, buying big things like a car, or investing in the stock market. Others told me they wished their children had set up a bank account or gotten a credit card in high school.
For example, they wished they had been more open about buying a new car and talked about leasing or buying, how much it would cost to get a car, and what compromises they would have to make with other things they want. They believe that teaching their children how to spend money would have been helpful when starting their businesses.
4. “Celebrate both your failures and your successes with enthusiasm”
Many parents of the highly successful adults I spoke with said they were careful not to scold or punish their children when they failed. However, many also told me that they wished they had gone a step further.
The parents wished they had celebrated the failures as much as the successes, because they realized that only when you understand that you learn and grow through failure do you take the kind of creative risks that lead to innovation – and that you Even suffering a defeat should be fuel for your next success.
They realized that their children’s failures were more important to their development than their easy victories.
I would tell myself the same thing as a young parent. Now, I often fall back on Billie Jean King’s mantra and teach it to my own adult children: “It’s not failure, it’s feedback.”
Margot Machol Bisnow is an author, mother and parenting expert. She served in government for 20 years, including as FTC commissioner and chief of staff of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers. For the past decade, she has spoken to parent groups about raising fearless, creative, confident, resilient, and entrepreneurial children with Joy and Purpose, and is the author of “Raising an Entrepreneur: How to Help Your Children Achieve Their Dreams.” Follow her on Instagram @margotbisnow.
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